This month Dec 2016 life been immeasurably hard. I am to the point of giving up everything. A lot of questions are rising in my mind and afraid to entertain any of them. One wrong move could cause big damages to people around me. BUT the million dollar question is what is the Lord trying to say to me? that is why I am torn apart.
The scriptures that keep popping up in my mind is Matthew 16:24-28
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25For whoever wants to save their lifef will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.This actually answers all my question that is raising in my mind. My temptation to run to my past lifestyle has increased, unfulfilled desire to accomplish my own desires (materialistic), entertaining my own fleshly desires, financial meltdown, unsettled emotions in family and people around me. Nothing seem to be working out the way I expected or wanted.
It is really hard to discern what I need to do but today I realize that I am actually not wired to do my own things but the things of God. I failed in a lot of things in my life and seems like nothing that I desire to do comes through.
I am tempted to fall back to my past is just to teach me I am still in flesh but I have to make a choice to deny myself, carry the cross of my sin and follow the One who died for me and resurrected. I need to crucify my old and allow the life of Christ operate through me.
From the beginning the Lord has allowed me to do my own things and see where I would end up and I think I have come the end of the rope. I have only one choice " let it go". It is very hard position because of all the things I been doing all these while and now to let go is sounds absurd. Along came the above scripture that the Lord spoke to me 10 years back into my heart. "For whoever wants to save their lifef will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find itThe verse is self explanatory. It is time for me to die/lose to all I am and do His will and then giving me a promise in "27For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.This verse giving the promise that Lord Jesus Christ will reward according to my works. If I am still going to be doing my own things, I will end up much bad situation than I am already in. Eternal blessings or worldly blessing?
God actually forcefully leading me to let go all I am doing and start focusing on what He wants me to do. I can't, I literally can't. I have put all my faith on the things I see not unseen. My heartaches to let go. If I know I will be in much bad situation. GOD has called me and I have to answer. He wants to train me how to have faith on Him regardless the situation I am in. What I am talking here is a season of letting go my business and everything of this world to focus on HIM. Scary!! I wonder how I am going to do it? I have wife and a baby on the way to support. Imagine! I am freaking out.